Enby's Ramblings...

The house has been lonely the last month and change. My husband and I lost our dog on Thanksgiving. She was 16, and had 3 seizures in 12 hours and it was... just time.

I don't work, as I have medical reasons preventing me from doing most jobs (both physical and mental)... so I am a househusband. And one of my jobs was "Pet Relations". When I first moved in with him 8 years ago, he had 4 dogs. And we just lost our last one in November.

The house is quieter without our little Ember. She was a miniature schnauzer. And she was the sweetest, most lovable girl ever.

Just figured I would say that Endure isn't just about the present or the future, but coping with the recent past.

She messaged me yesterday morning... worried that she had pink eye; something that happened on Christmas Day. She went to the walk-in clinic yesterday and it was confirmed.

My paranoia sometimes gets the best of me. I hate that, but when I start getting paranoid, the demons come in and wreak havoc with my psyche. The demons are the voices of people in my life (both past and present) that have been a strong negative force in my life. They all have names; they all have different, but effective ways of attacking me.

So as we look to flip the calendar to a new year tomorrow... I think I know what word will be used to describe me in this upcoming year: endure

I don't plan to exercise, eat right, be kinder... I'm already doing one out of those three :P I mean that I plan to take everything, every stone weighing me down... and endure.

I know it doesn't sound like a completely healthy plan... welcome to my world. :)

What I do hope to do this year is finish my novel. I have been at it for almost 2 months, working little by little. I am done with 1/3 of the book (9 chapters out of 27) so I think if I took another four months, it should be done by April.

Then comes the editing and the rewriting. But I want my first draft done this year. Too many times I have tried to start a novel and it never worked out. This time? 9 done and 40,000 words already? I think it's gonna happen.

So long 2025! You did a few great things, a lot of horrible things and I am ready to purge myself of you!

~ Bear